Sunday Rituals Mugs

'It costs a lot to get it delivered out here, but I LOVE the Sunday crossword!'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Coping with a strong-willed child

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Friday

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

A child interrupting family prayers

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

How's my sermon. . .

"Don't talk to me before discover coffee."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Sermon Applause.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"...and in conclusion..."