Sunday Night Gifts

"Sunday night TV programmes are enough to drive people back to church!"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Night-time halo

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

E-Baying @ The Moon

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

A child interrupting family prayers

"I wasn't howling at the moon. I was singing along to my iPod."

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"We missed you at church Sunday."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."