Summertime Snacker Pillows

"Since it's only 10am, I'll have coffee, strawberry, and maple in a waffle cone."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"The bagels are better in New York."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

"I'm learning to appreciate the simple things in life."

''Romantic'? No -- but it makes me feel like having a CROISSANT!'

"Do you want the last piece, or can I have it?"

"It's just - this McDonald's closes at midnight."

Bedside Manna.

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

The downside of the cupcake bed.

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

'I woke up in February, and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up, killed and ate a moose.'

"Congratulations! For checking the fridge 30 times in under an hour, you've won something that you actually want to eat!"

"So here we are...the great outdoors!"

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

"People are inherently complicated, and if you eat it late enough at night, cereal can be dinner and breakfast!"

"We grind our own catnip."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

'You were up four times last night.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

I know you wanted a virgin but it's all I could find at this time on a Friday night.

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

'That's the last time I have cheese for supper...!'

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

"Late night snack? No, I...I was just checking expiration dates, dear!"

Al, do you ever go back in time and try to pinpoint moments when you made bad life choices? Actually, after an episode of gastric distress this morning, I journeyed back in time to last night. I pinpointed midnight as the moment, and I pinpointed pizza as a bad life choice.