Summer Laugher Pillows

Bird Pool

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The breakup

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

Coast to coast.

Jim's Mowing Services

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

Bad Ant Joke

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

Husband check

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

Astronaut Slips On A Banana Peel

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I would definitely say I'm a 'type A' personality.'

Escaping surgery.

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

They Say It's Too Easy To Sue, But Nothing Could Be Further From the Truth

"Could be worse. Can`t imagine being in Italy with all those restrictions on movement."

'Take some of that home, Richard. Don't be a hero.'