Sugar-free Superhero Gifts

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

North Pole

'Well, well, well...'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Politically Correct Snowperson

Distance to avoid contagion

'Do you ever think about how we can reduce our global footprint?'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

"The tuna is endangered, the lettuce was recalled and the tomatoes were hit by a drought. I can give you mayo on a roll."

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Days without an incident.

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'I don't like being a crash dummy either but there are some jobs humans won't do.'

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

QUICK OIL CHANGE & FLU SHOT

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"Don't drink and drive. Don't even putt."

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also testing negative for steroids.'

Rudolph goes green (with his new compact fluorescent nose)

GM Foods.

'Whose idea was it that every thanksgiving the women watch romantic comedies all day and we get stuck cleaning up?'

'Have you been eating right?'

"I'd never have imagined such innovative ways of wearing this cape!"

"Trick or treat, and here's a list of my known food allergies."

"Your, health check results are excellent. You have the body of an athlete... Although, probably only of bronze medal standard."

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."

'I'm just so worried about mercury in the water and sulfur dioxide in the air.'

"It started with sneaking kale into their spaghetti. Before I knew it I was sneaking homework into their video games."

Ginger Breadman