Suburban Stroller Gifts

Pooper Scooper

"Harry—Let's get brunch and day drink."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'we must be near the water because I see a sea gull.'

'Have a nice weekend, Alfred.'

The High Line at Giza

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

The Great Drywall of Sheboygan.

'Keep Off the Wi-Fi.'

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

'It's exactly what I need to drive our only child to school at the end of the road.'

A man gets a paper cut while reading in his back yard and is attacked by 'Lawn Sharks'.

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

Older woman explains how to see off men with one of her looks

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

In summer, the nut-jobs buried by squirrels the previous fall begin to sprout.

"Honey, run!"

"It's a sand castle, dear. Assembly required."

'Sunday in the park'

Single Family Home Sanctuary

"Dad's home."

"Don't be fooled. Chaos reigns."

Garage sale.

"Our manifesto must offer a measured but devastating critique of flying."

"This is a great neighborhood for croutons."

"Now remember, this time don’t drink the salt water."

"Hail to thee, Frederick Law Olmsted!"

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

"Before you know it, they'll be all grown up and moved to Brooklyn."

'Oh, retirement is okay, I guess, but I miss looking forward to the weekends.'

"A thousand boats of static grace and I swear I saw one move!"

"And, in suburban news, construction of the new, attached four-season solarium at 6870 Evercrest Drive continued amid the silent, seething envy of the neighbors."