Suburban Stroller T-Shirts

Pooper Scooper

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"Harry—Let's get brunch and day drink."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Have a nice weekend, Alfred.'

'we must be near the water because I see a sea gull.'

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

The High Line at Giza

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

The Great Drywall of Sheboygan.

'Keep Off the Wi-Fi.'

'It's exactly what I need to drive our only child to school at the end of the road.'

A man gets a paper cut while reading in his back yard and is attacked by 'Lawn Sharks'.

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

Older woman explains how to see off men with one of her looks

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

In summer, the nut-jobs buried by squirrels the previous fall begin to sprout.

"Honey, run!"

"It's a sand castle, dear. Assembly required."

'Sunday in the park'

"Dad's home."

"Don't be fooled. Chaos reigns."

Single Family Home Sanctuary

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

"Before you know it, they'll be all grown up and moved to Brooklyn."

"Now remember, this time don’t drink the salt water."

Garage sale.

"Hail to thee, Frederick Law Olmsted!"

"This is a great neighborhood for croutons."

"Our manifesto must offer a measured but devastating critique of flying."

'Oh, retirement is okay, I guess, but I miss looking forward to the weekends.'

"A thousand boats of static grace and I swear I saw one move!"

"And, in suburban news, construction of the new, attached four-season solarium at 6870 Evercrest Drive continued amid the silent, seething envy of the neighbors."