Suburban Mystic T-Shirts

"Don't look now, but I believe your snake is strangling that dog."

"He loves his leaf blower."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

The church of our lady of wall street.

Seances of the future

Hedge Car

Mega Construction Company: Paving Paradise and Putting Up Parking Lots for Over 50 Years. Deal with it.

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

"I once had a firm foothold in reality, but I found that it seriously undermined my ability to function as a financial market analyst."

"It's not a map of our new oil drilling sites--it's our stock price."

'The light stays on after I shut the door.'

Saxophone summoning.

'We're expecting stocks to rally but we don't know which ones and when.'

'Your shares are doing well... No wait, they're falling, no they're rising, no falling and rising...'

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Cross Platform.

Opium Den 2019

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

After the death of New York City, Zeus placed it in the heavens as a constellation.

'It's not what you buy. It's when you buy.'

Davos Security

'I'm not sure which side of the Bristol Crocodile debate I come down on!'