Suburban Survivalist T-Shirts

"Look lady, I told you before; anything over one-hundred pounds you gotta take to the dump yourself."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Thank-you God.'

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

"He loves his leaf blower."

Commutobile

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"The trees are laughing at us."

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

"Keep in mind that it was put there by the sharks."

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

Grim Reaper walks through an urban environment wearing a gas mask.

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Appointment for Central London Executive - With Car and Parking Space

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

Life in a food desert.

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Fox Holes

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

"I just want to learn enough to be able to survive the train to work."

'I simply don't understand the requirement to pay people more just to live in London!'

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

Poker Moms

Stuart's grand plan to bring the good-time steel drum vibe of the Caribbean to Belle Haven, Connecticut, hits its first snag...

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."

"If the Greenlanders don't want to become Americans, Trump can buy our meadow! It's green, too, and we wouldn't have to keep pulling up the weeds!"

"It ran amok."

"The boondocks R us, I guess."

Mowing the Lawn

'Goddamn traffic...I'm late for my meditation class.'

'It's quite a learning experience. You'll be amazed at what you can live without.'