Suburban Gladiator Gifts

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

Prize vegetables.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

"Everything's gone up."

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

American Football.

Biker Lawn Mower

"I warned you before you bought it, John, that the plant is aggressive!"

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Football.

'So...worked in 'IT' long?'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

Punishment for the kicker.

'We're going to look pretty stupid if it's not a Michelin star.'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Musk v Zuckerberg - Rockem Sockem Robots

Human males marking territory.

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

Man mowing lawn that grows quicker then he can cut it!

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

"There's got to be an easier way to kill the moss in a lawn"

Two office workers playing between their cubicles.

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'