Subtle Conversationalists Pillows

Trial Balloons in Apartment 3-B

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

Babble. Pbl. Babama. Bbb. Brb. Bod.

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

A lesson in wit

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

The Schmoozy Reaper

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Person talks on phone as other blogs.