Informal Conversationalists Pillows

"Why are we British so obsessed ... with talking about the weather?"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"Thanks for your offer, but in our company we still have a perfect information and communication system. It's called water cooler talk."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

The Schmoozy Reaper