Quirky Conversationalists Pillows

"What is it about us that makes only crazy people want to talk to us?"

"Not to be a killjoy, but this happened on our property. Are liable?"

'So I talk to myself! What is it to you?'

"As a prepper I've taken precautions and can survive for weeks in case of disaster."

"So what happens to our BILLIONS of poor BACTERIA when we die, especially if we're cremated? That's HARD CHEESE is it, you VEGAN!?"

An action figure, from the gentleman.

"Sorry, the 'GSOH' in my add stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'."

"...can you give us 5 motivational tips, the things that really made you unsuccessful?"

"O positive, why?"

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Hi! I'm in the garden."

"Oh, livin' la vida loca - What about you?"

"I can hear myself think - in a sort of vibrato."

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"Hey, I dig the creative process. I'm an accountant!"

'It isn't demon rum I need help with, cupcake. My problem is I'm as horny as a mountain goat.'

'Say 'Nessage in a gottle.' one more time and I'm putting you back in your box.'

Cellmates.

Hey, no kidding...I'm a Pisces too!

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

You're right - gray is such a popular wall color right now.

"I'm in a place right now."

"We could always adopt, like, 50 little bunnies from Asia."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

What price beauty?

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."