Subtle Conversationalists T-Shirts

Trial Balloons in Apartment 3-B

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

The Schmoozy Reaper

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

A lesson in wit