Submission Specialist Gifts

'...you say my electronic submission carried a virus that destroyed all the hard drives in your company?'

After hundreds of submissions, he had finally been asked to lunch with the editor of the quarterly.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'I know we're inchworms, but let's get into the spirit of this! Change is good!'

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

"It's the Environment's Agency's new H.Q."

Biodiversity

Good Luck!

"You look ridiculous Ed. Why can't you just accept you're going bald and ditch the wig?"

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

'I wish you would update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Wow, what are the chances of that four letter word being in your alphabet soup?"

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'Dalrymple came to us from the public sector.'

'It's a growth industry' (tulips from Amsterdam).

'Well, I suppose it makes a change from powerpoint presentations...'

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'

'I've taken the liberty of simplifying the latest data.'

"There appears to be some discrepancies between your C.V. and your Wikipedia entry."

"... And how long have you had this total fixation with T.V.?"

"It's time to feed your drone."

Illuminating agricultural production

Developing the boomerang.

'This computerized herd management is getting out of control.'

"The board felt you were the right person to give this report some granularity."

'It's from the New Yorker, I've been rejected 200 times, once for each word.'

God's Kitchen

Think Tank: Not responsible for lost or stolen intellectual property.

Innovation department.

"The bar charts show out clients overwhelmingly prefer pie charts."

Bankruptcy Attorneys: "If you ain't broke, we can fix it."