Stump Shaker Gifts

Bowled out.

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

"In this company, Simmons, we hold our hands steady in the middle and shake our bodies."

Sport in library

'I'll be home for dinner in a few minutes... I'm getting my stomach lined right now.'

'Well, now do you believe that snow global warming is real?'

Comfort Zone Lady Leaving a Room.

'Ok, the cat's away. Time to play.'

You B*****D

Souvenir of Iceland

'You'll have to come up with something new...Nobody notices you anymore.'

Aptitude tests point to a job in the wine industry for a young man with huge feet.

Upper class homeless man.

'Well, if you don't like our rules then start your own denomination.'

'Talk about having your travel plans shaken up!'

Saint Patrick's Day

'Shakers don't like subways'

"Ok one last chance - and don't try and tell me it's salt again."

'No, we're not broke, dear. Our money is in storage.'

"Gracie, did you forget your umbrella?"

Shaken Old Bartender