Structural Schemer Gifts

'Why we have architects'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

"It's a setup."

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

'Remember to be nice to people on your way up. You might need them to do hard time for you later.'

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

'I'm always thinking of my fellow man - that's how I stay ahead of him.'

The Tax Loophole