Striped Aficionado Gifts

'Striped cats make me appear thinner.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"Makes me wish I'd kept that gorilla suit."

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Darling, I love how you've curated yourself."

"Tammy's Style Shop went on a selling spree."

Military General with numerals medals and uniform decorations with 'cont. on back' sign.

'I must admit, I do look good in stripes.'

An elephant in an aerobics class wearing horizontal-striped workout tights. Instructor says,

"It's so drapey—should I get something with a crisper line?"

"I just had these linen scrubs dry-cleaned!"

Totally Nude Hand Puppets.

'OK. Sometimes, after games, when I'm all alone? I... I like to dress up in a NBA uniform.'

'WOOHOOO! Yeah BABY, yeah!' (at a zebra strip show)

'I'm patriotic, but nobody beats Fido at wagging the flag!'

"Why, yes it is for gallantry - I didn't use any sick days for an entire year."

'Now that's an afro!'

Less successful 1990s T-shirt designs.

Obese man wearing a T-shirt with 'Too Big To Fail'.

Lemmings jump off a cliff wearing t-shirts reading 'I'm with stupid'.

"A stripper in Ohio claims her privacy was violated when a patron took a picture of her while she was performing, thus invoking her Constitutional right to irony."

'This one's a hood ornament. I got it for carpooling.'

"At this time the captain would like to hear from anyone who is turned on by men in uniform."

"I swear, '€#$%&' is a real quote from the Dalai Lama! To be fair though, I had just stepped on his toe..."

"As you were."

'Forget it, Bob, they're way to skinny!'

'I just can't say for certain. They all look the same in those uniforms. ...All I know it that he said he kicks field goals for a living.'

Messages on T-Shirts: 'I'm wrong always' and 'I'm right always'.

Brigadier Ray McDermot - Royal Australian Army Corps

'The sport's still a mystery to me. I just found out that I look great in uniform.'

“If I buy this sweater, we’ll also have to buy a rustic little place upstate.”

A Royal Navy Admiral

'I thought you said 36 inch neck and 16 inch sleeve.'