Striped Humor Fan Gifts

Coming off a sunbed with a stripy tan.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Grace For Flies

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

The Rooster Comedian.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

Fish hunting for men.

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Bless You."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Trump Poutine

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

The prying mantis,

Exciting potato bugs.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Amateurs."