Strict Parenting Humor Fan Pillows

'It's too bad they don't give a grade for courage. You'd get an 'A' for bringing this thing home.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Time for bed, guys."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

Therapy for babies.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Chilly baby.

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'What are you in for?'

A Mom's Purse

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."