Strict Parenting Humor Fan Pillows

'It's too bad they don't give a grade for courage. You'd get an 'A' for bringing this thing home.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"Time for bed, guys."

Sperm Whale.

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

Therapy for babies.

Mom dwarves.

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'What are you in for?'

A Mom's Purse