Strict Parent Humorist Pillows

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'