Humorist Parent Pillows

'And the coolest dad of the year award goes to... Dr. Armstrong for his note, 'to whom it may concern, my son is allergic to homework'.'

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

'Hey, half my chromosomes are YOURS, you know.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'