Stressful Shopper Gifts

"Happy Easter!"

Smart card.

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

Down on Her.

"What kind of bra are you looking for?"

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

Cash Rebate

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

Man is attacked by barcodes.

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

"Sorry I'm late. Argos was a nightmare."

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

"I just want Velveetaaaaaaa!"

"We save all the original packaging in case we have to return something."

"Would you like to pay with card, cash or the dim and shredded remains of my remaining dreams?"

'They didn't fit when you got them home? Maybe your contents settled during shipping?'

"I was at home all day yesterday so when do I want you to re-deliver? Yesterday!"

"Only twelve more hours to go, what are you hoping to bag?!!"

"Honestly, I think this was a waste of money."

'Do these pants make me look fat?'

Woman trying on clothes and ripping them - Breakages to be paid for.

"We're closed!"

What's the sale price on scones? Zero percent off. It's a sale in name only. I see. How many can I get at the sale price? The sale mentality mocks me.

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'

Brian felt sure he had been wearing trousers when he had first visited the men's outfitters!

. . .The frustrated citizen goes to the one place where she can recapture some shred of personal power and control. . .The Bed and Bath Superstore.

I'm not welcome at Computer Villa? You're broke. You can't buy anything. But I've been a loyal customer for years. Can I just window shop? Oh, sure. And can I come over to your house and peer inside and annoy you by not buying anything?! Retailers are upset and making no sense. Go ye into the wilderness!

'Call me when you invent the warranty.'

Incredibly Inexpensive Security Systems' advertise 'Pretty Good Set Ups. 1/2 the price, 2/3 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional break-ins.