Frustrated Shoppers Gifts

'Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.' - 'Blah, blah, blah.' - 'Ahem.' - 'Blah, blah, blah, blah.' - 'Blah, blah.' - 'Excuse me.' - 'Does it look like we want to help you?!' -

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

Smart card.

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

Down on Her.

"What kind of bra are you looking for?"

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

Cash Rebate

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

Car Dealer

"I just want Velveetaaaaaaa!"

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

Why men hate shopping.

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

"We save all the original packaging in case we have to return something."

"Honestly, I think this was a waste of money."

'Philip was cute this morning. He said money's tight and I should only buy what I need.'

"I was at home all day yesterday so when do I want you to re-deliver? Yesterday!"

"Happy Easter!"

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'

Cooling off period? I'm so cold I'll probably never use your company again!

What's the sale price on scones? Zero percent off. It's a sale in name only. I see. How many can I get at the sale price? The sale mentality mocks me.

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'

'Call me when you invent the warranty.'

Incredibly Inexpensive Security Systems' advertise 'Pretty Good Set Ups. 1/2 the price, 2/3 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional break-ins.

"It's very me, but I hate myself."

'I don't like the looks of this.'

Customer Avoidance Dept.

Been looking at some used cars, Ernie? In the beginning there was Hyundai Genesis. Then I saw a Mitsubishi Mirage, but it disappeared before I could get a closer look. I was considering a Dodge Charger but it relocated to Los Angeles. And a Bronco was too many bucks for me. Then I found a great Ford Escape to buy. But in the morning the garage door was broken and it was gone. I think the universe is telling me to stick with my bike.