Stressed Worker Gifts

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'Maybe we did pile too much work on his desk.'

"I think your idea of stress relief is drastic!"

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

Death Boss

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.

Sinking sales

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

"I'm your exit strategy."

"It's our latest targets...We have to do twice as much with half the stuff in a quarter of the time!"

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

Sold It All.

'You're having a mid-life crises...'

'How did things go at the office today?'

"When given a choice, a lot of them prefer eternal torment over being stuck in a 9 to 5 job."

'I'm certainly no expert on the matter, but throwing the copier out the window just may be a sign you're suffering from stress.'

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

"I always put things off until the last minute."

'Ahhhh. Did I just feel the tension in here break, or was it the elastic on my underwear?'

'In an effort to cut back on unnecessary expenses, I have decided not to pay your salaries.'

'You're vaarking too aard,'

'You've put up with a lot of teasing, childish pranks and harassment around here. I must say, I admire your restraint.'

"Welcome aboard. Here're your ID, your door code, and your antacid."

"Perhaps we pushed him too far too fast."