Dealing With Workplace Stress Gifts

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

'Nigel, what have I told you about bringing your work home with you?'

'Sleep deprivation's the least of my worries; I can't get these amortisation bluebells to frangipane...'

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'Maybe we did pile too much work on his desk.'

"I think your idea of stress relief is drastic!"

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

Death Boss

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.

Sinking sales

"It's our latest targets...We have to do twice as much with half the stuff in a quarter of the time!"

"I'm your exit strategy."

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

Sold It All.

'I've read my appraisal and this is my solicitor - I intend to sue you!'

When the going gets tough the tough gets going...and the rest hide in the washroom and cry.

'You're having a mid-life crises...'

'If you don't mind me saying, you're looking a little tired.'

'How did things go at the office today?'

"When given a choice, a lot of them prefer eternal torment over being stuck in a 9 to 5 job."

'I don't known why these people are always complaining... we give them stimulating challenging work.'

'I'm certainly no expert on the matter, but throwing the copier out the window just may be a sign you're suffering from stress.'

'Jones, I have asked this officer to arrest you on the grounds that you are a serial time killer.'

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

'Ahhhh. Did I just feel the tension in here break, or was it the elastic on my underwear?'

"I always put things off until the last minute."