Stranded Story Collector T-Shirts

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

Rapunzcow

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

"One blackbird pizza?"

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

"It's not what you think."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

Who's Dead

"When they assured me the solar panels would look like crackers, I said "What the hell!"'

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

'I can't believe this: We spend all our time hiding from humans, but they keep on publishing stories about us anyway...'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"Must go now Zelda. The builders have just arrived"

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'