Straightforward Eater Gifts

Restaurant: Come & Get It! Bland Cuisine - 'Just plain food, good, but nothing fancy.'

LAY ZEE FUK

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Fridge-to-table"

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

"I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping."

The only problem with your current diet is really deforestation, and I'm afraid I'm unable to help...

The early days of tofurkey.

Spaghetto

"I'm going across the street for a sandwich and coffee. Can I get you something?"

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

'They use paper plates.'

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

"More protein? How about some veggies once in a while?"

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

'I just love eating organic food.'

'Joe's Junk Food.' 'At least he's honest.'

"I'm not picky—whatever's wounded."