Enlightened Eater Gifts

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

View to the Future

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'What are you eating now?'

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"Is it free-range?"

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

'Rob is a vegan.'

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Now make sure your heat is high enough to sear your putrid meat quickly."