Storytelling Safety Buff Gifts

'Come on, dad...why would anyone follow a witch into a gingerbread house? It clearly wasn't built to code.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

"Go on, say it again, 'I love you' in Armadillo."

Safety Barriers

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

Crash test dummy employee of the month.

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

"I've gotta lay off the 3 little pigs."

"It's called being preemptive."

"I've seen this before. Keep his head inside the car when the vehicle is in motion."

"Fasten your seat belt."

"No, let down your hair!"

Drop dead gorgeous

Wolf blew over pig's sandcastle.

'Apparently, he leaned over to read a 'safety notice' and fell out of the window.'

"Let's follow him on social media."

"Triple espresso." "Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine." "I am not your Uncle Mort. I am someone else altogether." "Oh yeah? Who are you?" "I am... Drinkum... Coffeeman... Worthington-Smythe... of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes." "You may have heard of us... We're a family of... um... troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix." "So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that?" "Google

"You see - this machine can cut your work force in half!"

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

The guardrail brings it up to code.

Athlete

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

"It was your idea to call him Christopher Robin!"

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

Dual Airbags

Crash Test Dummy Denied Insurance.