Storyteller Strategist T-Shirts

Before mom sees this mess, here are some excuse talking points so we're all on the same page.

A Hole in the Dike

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

Internet Cafe.

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

Wall of Office Memories

"Gosh, this reminds me of one of my favorite John Lennon lyrics: "Life is what happens to you while you're making other quarterly sales plans."

'I eliminated all the platitudes and cliche statements, from your mission statement, and I'm left with this blank sheet of paper.'

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

"And after the prime rate declined by half a point, the Dow rose by thirty-two, guess what happened to Goose and Fox?"

Turning a business graph around to get a positive reading.

If John Lennon had gone into strategic management.

"Our market research predicts this product mascot will be irresistible to both men and women..."

"Oh, you don't need to fight them—you just need to convince the pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks."

'After the big race the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'Why do I always have to be the one to connect the dots for you people?'

"No offense Dad, but is this available on DVD?"

Videographer. Zoom in. Zoom out.

"I know I'm huffing and puffing, but I don't have a temperature. You're safe. Now, let me in."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

Woman in booksotre looking at books labeled 'Highly Graphic Novels.' Covers of books show various charts, graphs, spreadsheets.

Rabbit and turtle.

Outer Cuteness vs. Inner Cuteness

I wrote a poem about our failure to capture and secure the highway. It's called "The Road Not taken."

"...and although the tortoise was severely speed-challenged, he achieved his sales quota through a strict goal-specific program."

"...and then the heroic young investor managed to capture the evil high interest rate monster and wrestled him down until he was a mere 5.25%!"