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The intellectual and the wise

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

"Feel free to take notes."

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

Fyodor Dostoevsky

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"