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"I think I've acquired some wisdom over the years, but there doesn't seem to be much demand for it."

'If you stop writing all this rubbish that I bribed my way to the top I'll make it worth your while.'

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

Comes the Revolution Fairy Tales

'That's right Nick, I was Mary's little lamb, but that was a long time ago...'

"Tell me about your chimney sweeping, uncle."

"Hey, listen to this. A man was recently arrested at the mall after cops found a small package in his underwear."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Feel free to take notes."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Where was the TSA?'

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Little Princess.

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'