Storybook Satire Fan Gifts

'Since giving up smoking my huffing and puffing have improved considerably.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

"Where the wild things were."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Sleeping Beauty

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Cupid

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

Many princes attempted to wake Sleeping Beauty, before one of them simply kissed her'

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

'They are known as 'The Magnificent Seven'!'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"If only we had adventures like in this book. I wouldn't even know where to begin to look..." "You may find, fun is always on my mind! Shall we take the weego my amigo?"

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'