Satirical Story Fan Gifts

'The book isn't a self-help book, it's telling you that dogs aren't as important as humans.'

'I finally feel I've got job security.'

"To cut a long story short...run! Run for your life!!!"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Director/Action Man toy.

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Fabrique en Francais (Made in France).

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

What's normal?

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Working Woman's Magazine

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

Parade of Businessmen

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

How am I abducting?

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"I find that hugely offensive!"

The Snarky District

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

On the brink.