Storybook Satirist Gifts

"This is Sweden, not Eden."

'And then the big bad wolf said, 'This, little piggy, is where the rubber meets the road.''

Pig: 'True, we live next door to a wolf. Fortunately he's Jewish.'

"Alice said the bottle had 'Drink Me' on the label but the only word I can see is Gin!"

"Er no, I've never tried nitrous oxide."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"#notguilty."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

The little engine that delegated

How I met your mother

What Could Go Wrong?

William Makepeace Thackeray.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"It's true. God appeared to Trump in a dream and told him to run for president."

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

Drone Baby Delivery

Oliver Twist As Re-imagined in the Modern Boardroom.

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

'... and make it look like an accident.'

Arresting Adam and Eve

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

Waiting Room For Godot.

'I just read 'Moby Dick'...do you have anymore 'whale hate' literature?'

'Sire, the peasants say you're just using them.'