Storybook Collection Gifts

'Thanks princess, but, no. I'm gay.'

"Let's scram, Hansel, this joint has diabetes written all over it!"

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

The Poky Little Pupa.

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Little Princess.

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

Baby Einstein. Baby Frankenstein.

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Where the wild things were."

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

'A coach would be nice. But vegetable will get me a BMW?'

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"