Storybook Collectors Gifts

Pay attention Mom. You're making the wolf and three little pigs sound the same.

'That's right, the Princess kissed me by mistake: She didn't know the difference between a frog and a toad...'

'This is so sudden! I'm not even a princess.'

'Calm down, it's just Little Red Riding Hood: I'll take care of it...'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"Where the wild things were."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

Beware of the crafty Kia bird of New Zealand.

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Cupid

Sleeping Beauty

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."