Story Writing Gifts

'Listen, I'm grateful to be alive at all, I just think it's shoddy work...I mean, would it have killed him to make the bolts flush with my neck?'

"I want to report a dénouement."

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Occu-Pie Mars

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'How fast can you hype?'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Squeezing the Free Press.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'