Story Writing Gifts

'Listen, I'm grateful to be alive at all, I just think it's shoddy work...I mean, would it have killed him to make the bolts flush with my neck?'

"I want to report a dénouement."

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

Occu-Pie Mars

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'How fast can you hype?'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Squeezing the Free Press.

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.