Story Aficionado T-Shirts

"Same story - boy becomes girl."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Meet The Author"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

My Literary Influences

Hansel and Gretal

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.