Story Aficionado T-Shirts

"Same story - boy becomes girl."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Meet The Author"

Victor Hugo

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Audio Books

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Gunter Grass

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Stephen Spender.

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

Günter Grass

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Noel Coward.

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

Hansel and Gretal

"This is what's known as a book."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'