Real Life Story Aficionado T-Shirts

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Audio Books

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

Jacques et Jille

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"And Jasper, dear Jasper, with his soulful eyes and great sagging jowl, would be stretched upon the floor, his tail a-thump when he heard his master's footsteps." Penny loved Daphne Du Maurier's 'Rebecca'.

The Day When The Curse Of The Mummy Lost It's Horror. . .

The Investigation

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.