Real Life Story Aficionado T-Shirts

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

Audio Books

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

Günter Grass

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

Jacques et Jille

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

The Day When The Curse Of The Mummy Lost It's Horror. . .

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"And Jasper, dear Jasper, with his soulful eyes and great sagging jowl, would be stretched upon the floor, his tail a-thump when he heard his master's footsteps." Penny loved Daphne Du Maurier's 'Rebecca'.

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

The Investigation

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"