Store Defender Gifts

"An impressive resume, General, but remember - department-store security is different from national security."

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Privacy Conference Security

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"They're worse than carpenter ants. We have hacker ants."

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

'We have to be forthright with the public. We have to have their confidence. We have to convince them we're working for the common good. Then we can invade their privacy.'

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"No, I'm not writing a short story. That's my password."

'Gimme all your cache!'

Facial Recognition

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

Upload Filter

'Invasion of privacy.'

'How long did you try before calling?'

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

"I've invented a software application for protecting our personal data."

"Please enter the last 4 digits of your SSN...or enter all 9. They're all over the dark web."

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

The six stages of hard drive death and dying.

Man in office fencing with pieces of paper flying about

'Remember not to shirk the paperwork.'

I defend to the death your right to say things I agree with.

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

GDPR compliant

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'