Stone Company Employee Gifts

'...never take anything for granite!'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

Human Resources Dept. When the boss says you're on the "short list" for promotion, it's not a crack about your height.

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

"I'm glad to see we're all on the same page, but let's try not to tear it."

'Henderson! Have you been drinking again?'

Jack-in-the-Box Enterprises.

'If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?'

"I think he may have progressed beyond just digging holes!!"

'You're lucky. At least you know your troubles aren't psychosomatic!'

"Apparently he needed an emergency hernia operation shortly afterwards!"

Unfinished Masterpiece.

"The boss is not very bright." "True, but if he was smart you wouldn't have a job."

"Tom, it's come to my attention that you're trolling for a better job, using your company computer."

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

Because of our tightening budget, I had to turn off the lights at the end of the tunnel.

'I am not my job... my job is not me... I do not need my job to give my life a purpose...' 'Hey, did you hear the news? We're all laid off!' 'Stupid affirmations!'

'Try to become less emotional, Mr Stone!'

"And yet, as we look at our lives, can't many of us say, 'My cubicle is too small?"

Cat to boss: 'May I have some maternal leave this afternoon?'