Stock Shark Gifts

'To begin with, yoiu'll need assets.'

'I thought you were supposed to be a day trader!'

'Okay, I'll see your 3 and raise you another one!'

"I lost a lot investing in marijuana. I bought low but forgot to sell high."

Chasing the dollar

A fool and his short position are soon departed.

Free Stock Quotes! Today's Quote: "There's a sucker born every minute."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

The day the stock market went UP.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

The height of fashion in 1796

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

Horror movies

Dogs and their thoughts

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'How about a game of cards?'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

The Food Chain

Some card-game puns

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'WE use these computers to gather and organise data for our school district and, on a slow day, to play solitaire.'

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."