Stock Star Gifts

'Relax. I've come for your high yield 30 year Treasury bonds. They're about to expire.'

"Our investors' enthusiasm was gratifying...first time I've ever seen a mosh pit at a stockholders' meeting!"

'Like I have the time.'

"Forget consumer confidence, what we need is consumer gullibility."

"I'm a little uneasy about the 'sometimes'."

The day the stock market went UP.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

A woman playing a keyboard

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

The concert was going smoothly until Frankenstein's band played a ballad.

Rock star uses phone on stage: 'Hang on Mom, I'm just putting you on speakerphone.'

'Those are my twins: NASDAQ and Dow. They were born at the height of the dot.com boom.'

'To satisfy our stockholders, we'll draw stars to see which of us will be hung in effigy.'

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

City Redundancies - In? Out?

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.