Stocks Gifts

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"Today on Wall Street, yesterday's panic selling was replaced by panic buying."

Sold before the boom.../Bought before the crash.

'Good day in the market?'

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

'Could you bring me the new investment regulations you downloaded yesterday?' 'It's still downloading.'

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'With my brains and your money, we have nothing to lose but your money.'

'Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?'

'You know, what we need to turn this around is...a rumor.'

"Just sign here, sir - it clears me of any responsibility."

'Unfortunately, this, here, is still a mystery.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'I'm too tired to hear the whole story. Who wins, the bear or the bull?'

'I have mostly conservative investments in my retirement portfolio, plus a few riskier, short-term performers tossed in as a hedge against inflation.'

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

"This bond is so boring we gave it a Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z rating."

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

'I'm not asking anything for me but would you indicate to me as to whether you are bullish or bearish?'

'I don't know about you, but I really don't like the look of that yield curve.'

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'

'All right, I got a pencil. Now, how do you figure the P/E ratio again?'

'I asked to be placed on the national no-call list for margin calls.'

'We want to beat the system, but we want the system to keep playing.'

'When daddy comes home, tell him you still love him, even though he lost money with stupid trades in emerging markets.'

"I promise not to make the same investment mistakes I made during the last boom. So, what's hot?"

'Ed, can you remember what that rumor was you had started at that time?'

'And so, our firm decided to build a new, closer relationship with its investors.'

"Eddie, the real growth opportunities are in 'pet care' stocks."

'Look humble, Jenkins. The arrogant look is okay in the office, but these are investors.'

OK, buy! No, wait... sell! No, change that... sell! No... buy! No... sell! Buy!

"This is what I wanted to show you, Gentlemen - a wonderful buying opportunity"

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

The Ground Floor

'The SEC ate my report.'