Shares Gifts

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'They all want to play the star.'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

Theatre Crowd

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

You can breed these if the environment is right.

Hamlet

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

A pretention of playwrights

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'