Stock Player Gifts

Now hiring: "Selling short" specialist.

The day the stock market went UP.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Chinese stock market

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

'Superstock'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."