Stock Excuse Enthusiast Gifts

Joan grows tired of Lou's stock excuses.

The day the stock market went UP.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'There's a Mr Tilbin here to see you sir. Shall I tell him you're on the phone, in a meeting, or out of the office?'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

Masochism for stockholders.

'Your homework got washed away with your house! A likely story young man! See me after class!'

Stock market worries.

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Boy, am I hungry. Alll I've had to eat today is some homework!'

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

"My dad ate my homework."

Bull and Bear Nightmare

"For your information, officer, I was not ‘texting’ – I was reviewing candidate applications for fellowship grants!"

"Oh I don't know - if you've seen one wall street crash, yhou've seen them all."