Quirky Stock Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm terribly sorry. You can't adopt your stocks and you can't get them baptized.'

The day the stock market went UP.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

Bug hanging up stockings

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

Stock market worries.

Bull and Bear Nightmare

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

"Oh I don't know - if you've seen one wall street crash, yhou've seen them all."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"My favorite time of year is earnings season."

Fortune - Lost a Fortune.

'Today the market fell because Bernanke said the word 'down' more than once in a speech.'

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

Stock Exchange. I don't worry about whether or not stocks are going to fall. I worry about whether they're going to bounce or go "splat" when they do fall.

'We ran your portfolio through the Bull-O-Meter and it showed excellent growth potential. . .'

'The New York stock exchange is up twelve and a half points n early trading. Nasdaq is down on and a quarter!'

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

'I'm sorry, the stock market got to me first.'

'Get my broker on the phone, please, stock not pawn?'

'I'll show you my investment opportunity if you'll show me yours.'

Investments: thrill-seekers welcome.